Centers for Family Change Blog

                Brothers, by George Howe Colt, is a combination memoir and psychological examination of the relationship between brothers.  Colt alternates between an examination of his relationship with his three brothers (from their early childhood into adult life) and a psychological and historical consideration of the relationship between brothers throughout history.  He devotes  5 chapters to the complex relationship of 5 sets of brothers: Theo and Vincent Van Gogh, John  Wilkes and Edwin Booth, Will and  John  Kellogg, the Marx Brothers, and John and Henry David Thoreau, while also touching more briefly on other sets of brothers.

                Colt’s thesis appears to be that the relationship between brothers is one great emotional intensity, characterized by intense competition and complex conflicts between loyalty and rivalry.   In considering his own relationship with his brothers, and those of famous brothers, he offers vivid examples of how brothers’ struggle to manage a sense of loyalty versus the desire to best, or even rid oneself, of one’s brother.  Colt discusses David Kaczynski’s loyalty to and eventual decision to turn in his brother, Ted, the Unabomber, and contrast this with how Whitey Bulger’s brother Bill (a successful Massachusetts politician) appeared to turn a blind eye to his criminal brother’s actions, and even possibly help his brother allude capture for many years.  Colt also discusses research suggesting that the relationship between brothers is fraught with conflict, often physical at younger ages, while noting that this conflict can continue through adult life.  While it may be of comfort to know that conflict is common, it is also disconcerting to acknowledge just how difficult and strained the relationships between brothers can be.

                I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the relationship between brothers, particularly those of you with brothers.  The personal memoir provides a window in to the complexities of one’s relationship with one’s brothers, while the historical discussions are both interesting history as well as thought provoking. If there are any shortcomings to this book, and frankly I can think of hardly any, they would be the fact that Colt can only write from his own perspective, a younger brother, and that the role of parents in influencing sibling relationships is not given great attention.  However, in the case of parental influence, it may be that parents have less ability to positively influence sibling relationships than we (psychologists and parents) would like to acknowledge.

Brothers, Colt, G.H.  Scribner, New York, 2012 .

“A thought provoking book” is a gross understatement when it comes to Nassim Taleb’s The Black Swan. Taleb forcefully argues that the way we think we understand the world is not valid.  Taleb asserts that randomness, unforeseen and unpredictable events, have a far greater influence than we wish to acknowledge. He argues that outlier events (rare, unusual and unexpected )  have a far greater impact on human life than we believe (in fact he argues that these events are the primarily movers and shakers for our lives and our world).  In addition, he notes that we concoct explanations of these events after the fact to try and make them seem predictable, but he asserts, they are not.   Taleb is highly critical of “experts” and their (our?) ability to predict what will occur. He argues that what we “do not know” is more important than “what we know,” i.e., that an awareness or understanding of how little we know is more valuable than focuses on and trying to confirm our theories. Moreover,  Taleb argues  that we are prone to a variety of errors in our attempts to understand and make sense of the world: we often rely on anecdotes and observations (highly unreliable sources of evidence) to draw conclusions and make predictions; and we are prone to retrospectively making sense of things that we had no idea were going to occur, in order to make them (our lives, the world around us) seem predictable. Again, thought provoking, underestimates this book.  Taleb’s arguments force the invested reader to question and re-examine his/her assumptions (which I might venture to argue is a very worthwhile exercise).

For the record:  the complete title of the book is:  The Black Swan: Second Edition: The Impact of the Highly Improbable: With a new section: “On Robustness and Fragility” by Nassim Nicholas Taleb Random House, 2010, USA.
This book is available in hardcover, paper and Kindle editions.

For those with an opportunity, the play, Freud’s Last Session, by Mark St. Germain, is highly recommended.  This play features an elderly Freud, dying of cancer, engaged in an intense discussion with C.S. Lewis. Freud angrily challenges Lewis’ faith in God. Lewis, in turn, is far more affable, be equally sure of his convictions.  Throughout the play, Lewis and Freud debate the existence of God, and the value (or lack thereof) of a belief in God. Their discussion is humanized as Freud visibly struggles with his failing health.  The conversation occurs just as WWII is beginning, which places the role of beliefs in a historical context. In light of the increased emphasis on the value of spirituality it is unusual to see the importance of spirituality and religion so directly challenged. Regardless of one’s particularly belief system it is intellectually stimulating to watch such a lively discussion of these issues.

This play is currently running through Sept. 2nd, 2012, at the Mercury theater (http://freudslastsession.com/).

In this section of the blog I will periodically discuss books that I have found to be thought provoking.  These will not always be works about therapy, and in fact my hope is to identify a wide range of literature that is both thought provoking and helpful (in terms of understanding and identifying ways to help people change behavior).

The Power of Habit: Why We do What We do in Life and Business,   by Charles Duhigg

In this highly readable work, Duhigg advances the idea that much of behavior is driven or controlled by habits. His deceptively simple thesis is that if we can better understand how habits work, how they can control behavior, that we will be much more able to change behavior.  Duhigg is not referring to only individual behavior but also to behavior on a corporate and community levels, as well. His examples range from an analysis of how habits can explain compulsive gambling to how the famous Montgomery Bus Boycott was successful, in part, because of the power of habits.   The Power of Habit is clearly not a self help book.  Rather, it is an analysis of human behavior, and how something as simple as habits influence and shape behavior. Duhigg’s work calls into question many of our cherished explanations for how and why people behave the way they do. It also suggests that behavior can be changed quite effectively if we understand how habits work.

I would highly recommend this book. While it may be unsettling to think that something as simple as habits underlie many negative and positive patterns of behavior, it is also a hopeful idea, because it suggests that change is quite possible.